EMERALD FARM
Irish Jokes Page
No PADDY Jokes here !
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "I do father."
"Then stand over there against the wall." Then, he asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father."
"Then stand over there against the wall." He walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't Father."
"I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
"Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
"The Brothel"
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street.
They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."
Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."
Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying.
Irish Political Humor
A Sergeant and a Private were patrolling the streets in a Irish town near the Northern Irish border. There was a 9.00PM curfew in place. Suddenly private Slattery shoots a man walking down a lane. The sergeant screams, Slattery its only 8.45, why did you shoot him, Slattery replies, well I know where he lives and he would never have made it by 9.00.
Young O'Donnell rushed into a church, placed his rifle under a pew and entered the confessional. "Father," he said breathlessly, "I've just shot down two British lieutenants!" Hearing no response he went on: "I also knocked off a British captain!" When there was still no response from the priest, O'Donnell said, "Father, have ye fainted?" "Of course I haven't fainted," replied the confessor. "I'm waitin' for you to stop talkin' politics and commence confessin' your sins!"
Q: What were the Republicans doing
while the Loyalists were building the Titanic?
A: Building an iceberg.
Boyle sat in a Belfast confessional. "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," he said. "I've blown up three hundred miles of English railroad!" "All right, my son," admonished the priest. "For penance, do the stations!"
Irish Farm Humor
A Texan rancher comes to Ireland and
meets a Kerry farmer.
The Texan says : "Takes me the whole dam day to drive from one side of my
ranch to the other."
The Kerry farmer says:"Ah sure, I know, sir. We have tractors like that over
here too."
Two farmers were driving their tractor down the middle of a country road. A car comes around the corner backs hard to avoid them , skids, tumbles twice and land in a field. Jimmy say to Eamonn it's just as well we got out of that field.
An American was driving in County Kerry, when his motor stopped. He got out to see if he could locate the trouble. A voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." He turned around and only saw an old horse. The horse said again, "It's the carburetor that's not working." The American nearly died with fright, and dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him.
Murphy said, "Well, don't pay any attention to him, he knows nothing about cars ."